What happens in Vegas…. makes a crappy movie. Well, that may be a strong word. There are super fun parts. And it’s got a lot of that stuff you want movies to have, sexy fun and games and all. But it’s just so, so movie-ish. At no point are you feeling like you’re watching people having some experience. At all times it just feels like movie stars on location saying lines written by writers. This film chronicles two super hot people who meet in Vegas. Have you ever seen two super hot people in Vegas, btw? That’s another jarring thing. Ever notice that Movie Vegas is NOTHING like Earth Vegas? In Movie Vegas, everyone is beautiful and making out with strangers on elevators. On Earth Vegas, people are ugly, old, smoking, dressed weird and hauling around oxygen tanks. If none of that story stuff is important to you and you just want to see Ashton and Cameron alternately fight and get it on, then have I got the movie for you! The premise is flimsy. The lines are liney. She’s an uptight planner. He’s a hapless stud. How can they not fall in love? But something is not right with this movie from the beginning. There’s lines like, “Dad, I am your son.” Dennis Miller, God bless him, spent 20 years establishing himself as a smart, funny American voice. He blows his credibility in exactly one line. He gets all gussied up in a judge’s robe and threatens, “I sentence you to 6 months hard marriage.” Bam! Angle on: gavel leveled menacingly. I’m guessing Lewis Black was offered the role and was just too tired of saying crap like that and wanted to take a week off. Now, when these people are in daytime mode, they don’t get along at all. But after a few cocktails they totally get one another and it’s magical. This is alcoholism. I don’t think it’s right that we put it to a soundtrack and “enjoy” the “shenanigans.” The movie is “Leaving Las Vegas” with way more denial. One thing: Rob Corddy is hot. He plays that guy who’s the weird inept lawyer friend, and he does so spectacularly. Every line lands. He actually upped the make-outability of this film. And it’s pretty make-outable. I mean, it’s good-looking people, it’s sexy, and it’s mean. At some kind of shallow core, this couple really likes and needs each other. They just have to get past themselves to get to each other…or something like that. It’s not bad, it’s just not good. I recommend this movie for first, second, or third dates. It’s not for people who actually care about each other or good movies. Although for any couple, your partner could be titillated by the Cameron or the Ashton, and that might come in handy. Laura House
