Valkyrie Review

I lived in Germany for a year when I was kid. My dad had a research grant so we left Madison, WI and moved to Munich. Germans by and large are a bunch of humorless bureaucrats. Living up to all the stereotypes. Some of them were nice loving people. None of them had English accents. The films title, “Valkyrie”, was the name of a plan designed by Hitler to organize the National Guard in the event of an attack on Berlin and also the name of the assassination/coup. Tom Cruise’s character hatches the plan to amend Valkyrie and use it to take over Berlin after Hitler is killed. Seeing this plan come together made me want to light a cigar and get BA a glass of warm milk. Overall I guess I liked the film. Interesting to see the particulars of how the coup was designed. I knew about the failed attempt, but not about who put it together and what the plan was after the hit was successful. All of these actors, Cruise, Eddie Izzard, Kenneth Branagh, Tom Wilkinson, and Bill Nighy are all good actors. I like watching them in everything. They are good in this film. Wilkinson the skiving general who only wants to land on the winning side. Nighy the scared general who wants the change but doesn’t have the spine to do it. Cruise conveys the duty to country at all costs soldier very well. But I just couldn’t get past the non-Kraut accents. I mean what if one of my favorite movies, The Last Samurai, had a bunch of Brits running around with swords yelling, “ Cherri-o lads lets defend our honorable way of life. God save the King. Hip hip hooray!” I’m not an idiot; I know the studio heard Cruise and said, “Sure.” This film will do well. Bryan Singer is a good director. I like what he does. I like what he did with “Valkyrie”, but I couldn’t get past the accents. That, and the old lady sitting next to me who had the loudest plastic bag in the history of the world. 20 minutes of this crazy crinkling bag noise. Like she was eating trail mix one piece at a time. Shut the fucking bag up already. I wanted to sit behind her and jingle my keys in her ear for the rest of the film. The English actors playing other ethnicities are a long stupid tradition in Hollywood. I never watched “Rome” on HBO for that reason. It’s like when Italians would play Native Americans in westerns in the 50’s. Why not HIRE NATIVE AMERICAN ACTORS? Watch “Downfall” about the final days of Hitler. All German cast, produced in Germany. It is amazing. Bruno Ganz is gripping in his portrayal of Hitler. So see this film and enjoy the good acting. And if the Hollywood’s stupid accent phobia still bothers you, then watch the “Valkyrie” show on the History channel. It has all the info without the Limey Kraut wannabes. And then PALM STRIKE Hollywood when they don’t change. —Graham Elwood