Welcome to another week of entertainment surprises, delights, and disappointments. We’re off!
In this week’s “Money for the Rogue” story, Rogue One has taken in about $29 million in it’s opening Thursday night, which isn’t bad at all, even it it is less impressive than The Force Awakens early earnings at the time. I wouldn’t worry, though; it’s early, and it’s awesome, so, Disney won’t go broke.
In this week’s “Zombie killer to Starfleet Lt. Commander” story, actress Sonequa Martin-Green has been cast as the lead in Star Trek: Discovery, airing on CBS All Access in May aftera two hour premiere on CBS. Martin-Green will play a Lt. Commander aboard the U.S.S. Discovery.
The 13-episode first season follows an incident in the history of Starfleet that other series/movies in the franchise have touched on but never fully explored. Per Bryan Fuller, Discovery will tell “that story through a character who is on a journey that is going to teach her how to get along with others in the galaxy.”
Martin-Green is on The Walking Dead and as of now her role on Discovery won’t conflict with that. She’s going to be busy.
In this week’s “Best selling toy” story, for those fans of Ash vs Evil Dead, you’ll remember the Ashy Slashy puppet that entertained us so thoroughly. Well, it can soon be yours to take home! NECA Toys has confirmed that they will be producing the puppet for retail as of next year in 2017! Specific dates are not known yet, but keep your eyes and ears peeled!
In this week’s “Godzilla update” story, Legendary Pictures has give the new Godzilla movie a title, Godzilla: King of Monsters. Not a huge leap, nor is it terribly original, but I don’t care as long as they make it more full of monsters than the 2014 one.
Michael Dougherty and Zach Shields (Krampus) were recently brought on to co-write Godzilla: King of Monsters, with Trick ’r Treat director Dougherty rumored to potentially direct the sequel as well.
Godzilla: King of Monsters is scheduled to come out on March 22nd, 2019. A previous draft of the screenplay was worked on by Max Borenstein, who penned 2014’s Godzilla. Back in May, director Gareth Edwards (Rogue One: A Star Wars Story) departed the sequel.
In this week’s “Could 2016 get any more depressing” story, we lost actor and composer/singer Alan Thicke this week at age 69, AND actor Bernard Fox – who played Dr. Bombay on Bewitched also passed, at age 89.
The Grim Reaper really needs to take a fucking vacation, effect immediately.
In this week’s “Not the TV show” story, Roland Emmerich is in talks with Sony to direct an adaptation of author Blake Crouch’s sci-fi thriller novel, Dark Matter. The novel is about choices, paths not taken and how far we’ll go to claim the lives we dream of.
Here’s the synopsis: Jason Dessen, a quantum physicist, once had a brilliant research career ahead of him. But after a girlfriend’s unexpected pregnancy and the birth of a son, this future was derailed. Now a professor at a small Chicago college with a warm and loving family life, the physicist is abducted into a world in which his quantum many-worlds theory has become a fully realized technology for inter-dimensional transfer. In the parallel world, he did not marry his girlfriend and they never had a son. He is determined to get back to his other life, but nefarious powers in the alternate reality conspire to stop him from revealing the criminal lengths they have gone to create the world-hopping technology.
I could be into this.
In this week’s “Do we really care?” story, it seems there is going to be a biopic about Tonya Harding called I, Tonya. Not sure why we still need a film about this, but Alison Janney is set to play Tonya’s mom, and Margot Robbie (yeah, you herd me) is playing Tonya herself. Sebastian Stan will play Tonya’s husband Jeff GIllooly. Craig Gillespie is directing, and I’m staying the Hell away from this one.
In this week’s “Chinese fusion period monster epic” story, Legendary Pictures is rolling some big dice on their $ 150 million period monster epic shot in China, and the biggest Hollywood/China co-production to date, The Great Wall.
The Great Wall is directed by Chinese maestro Zhang Yimou (Red Sorghum, Hero, House of Flying Daggers) — his first picture in English — and stars Matt Damon, Willem Defoe and Pablo Pascal, along with a phalanx of A-list Chinese talent, including Hong Kong’s Andy Lau, local heartthrobs Lu Han and Lin Gengxin, and half a dozen others.
The film is an inventive origin story of sorts, about the man-made artifact in its’ title, the Great Wall. Instead of building the Wall to keep out warring nomads form the north and west, the film suggests that there are creatures to defend against as well.
Matt Damon plays a British mercenary who joins the Chinese to fight for humanity against an army of Taotie — monsters symbolizing greed from ancient Chinese mythology — who wage an attack every 60 years.
So this is a big gamble, spending a lot of money on a film that already has been accused of “white-washing” it’s cast. Why is Matt Damon in this? I don’t know, the script was written to have a British mercenary in it. Will he do a British accent? Will he do it well? Why not just cast a Brit? The trailer didn’t thrill me, but i want to see monsters. If they’re cool, and the action is fun, maybe I won’t care who’s in it. I’m just not going to think too much about it and hope no one requires me to in order to enjoy this movie.
In this week’s “Blondes have more fun” story, Amy Schumer’s next film is Snatched, where she plays daughter to Goldie Hawn as mother, when they go to South America for a vacation that goes horribly awry.
Joan Cusack, Ike Barinholtz, Wanda Sykes and Christopher Meloni co-star in the comedy, directed by Jonathan Levine from Katie Dippold’s script. 20th Century Fox bows the film produced by Chernin Entertainment on Mother’s Day weekend on May 12.
In this week’s “What’s this? What’s going on here?” story, actress Megan Mullally says she would be on board for a Will and Grace show reunion or whatever. But as to whether there have been any actual talks to do it, she coyly responds, “Well, there is some interest and people have been talking, there’s some rumors. From what I can tell, a lot of people really want the show to come back so we’ll see what happens.”
She jokingly adds that if the series did come back that “it’d probably be a 12-part miniseries with each installment being four hours long.”
I rather enjoyed Will and Grace, so I wouldn’t mind a little revisit.
In this week’s “So that’s where she’s been” story, kooky Amanda Bynes has been spotted for the first time in five months. She’s been keeping out of sight since she had been acting, well, in a way that would cause me to use an adjective like “kooky” to describe her.
Apparently she’s been in fashion school at the Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising in L.A.. She was spotted in West Hollywood the past July, and at Six Flags Magic Mountain the past April for her 30th birthday. So, good for her? At least it keeps her out of trouble. Maybe.
In this week’s “Obnoxious baby names” story, I mentioned in an earlier column that Mick Jagger, 73 years old, just had a new baby boy. Well, now we know his name. Are you ready? Mick’s son is named Deveraux Octavian Basil Jagger. Gee, that’s not pretentious at all.
In this week’s “Dumb people are everywhere” story, If you don’t know yet, actress Shannon Dougherty has been battling breast cancer since March of 2015. The 45 year old was getting a round of radiation treatment yesterday and was on an elevator when she was asked how she was feeling. when she expressed how tired she was because of the treatment, a “random girl on the elevator with us physically lunged away as far as she could. She then proceeded to look horrified for the next [three] floors.”
For anyone needing clarification, Doherty made it clear that cancer has never been an airborne disease.
“Just a heads up…. 1. You can’t catch it. 2. The radiation won’t leak out of me and go into you,” she wrote. “Hope that helps.”
People are idiots.
In this week’s “WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK” story, people in Siberia are fucking crazy or just need a LOT more to stimulate themselves intellectually.
Deadline has reported that a new Siberian reality survival show is happening that will reportedly allow it’s contestants to commit criminal acts, such as rape and murder, for a chance to win $1.6 million. I know, I had to read that a couple more times, too.
The nine-month survival test, created by entrepreneur Yevgeny Pyatkovsky, will strand 30 contestants in the -104 degree Fahrenheit Siberian wilderness and will stream the event 24/7 online.
“Each contestant gives consent that they could be maimed, even killed. 2000 cameras, 900 hectares and 30 lives,” reads an official ad for the show. “Everything is allowed. Fighting, alcohol, murder, rape, smoking, anything.”
Gee, I’m so glad they put smoking in the same sentence as rape and murder.
Pyatkovsky stated that potential participants must sign a waiver, acknowledging that they could be raped or killed. Though the Russian police warns that they will come and take them away should they commit crimes.
“We are on the territory of Russia, and obey the laws of the Russian Federation.”
“Contestants must be mentally sane and at least 18 years old to participate. Once selected, they will receive survival training from Russia’s elite former GRU Spetznaz operatives and be permitted knives, but no guns.
I’m sorry, but don’t you have to be inherently INsane to do this show?
No filming crews will be on-site, rather the area will have 2,000 cameras and each contestant will carry their own recording device. So far 60 people, including one American, have applied.” Holy shit, it’s finally happened. It’s like the BBC show Series 7 has become reality. Our species is doomed.
Well, why not end on an alarming note, right? See you next week, folks! Make sure to see a movie or two in between Christmas shopping!
~ Neil T Weakley, your average movie-goer, looking forward to seeing Rogue One – AGAIN!