The only question a reasonable adult would ask after seeing Skyline is “How great is Skyline?”
The only question a reasonable adult would ask after seeing Skyline is “How great is Skyline?” The answer can be scientifically measured in humans devoured by aliens. I should say when I use the word “devoured” I actually mean sucked into spaceships, alien hands and alien mouths. Did I just write, “Sucked into alien hands?” Fucking A right I did. That’s why we only ask how great Skyline is, not if it is good. Oh, it’s good. You can tell a great movie by a lack of locations and vacuuming of humans.
The movie kicks off like a hurricane. As a couple sleeps in bed, the entire building begins to shake and blue light penetrates the blinds. The woman wakes and says, “Morning already” because that’s exactly what morning is like. Blue light comes through the blinds and the building shakes. Where’s the fucking coffee is what I say? Thankfully, this was the most realistic moment of the movie. After this, it’s all aliens and people running up and down stairs.
When you watch Skyline – and you will because I told you to – you will notice the filmmakers have seen other films, like Independence Day, War of the Worlds and Cloverdale. You will notice this because they seem to just take ideas and scenes from these movies, and many others, and pack them all into Skyline. It’s an exciting way to make a film.
For those who enjoy blue light, there will never be another film that uses blue light better than Skyline. And this isn’t on accident. The aliens actually use blue light because humans can’t avoid looking at blue light. We’re apparently like moths. And we know this because one of the characters says this out loud. No one looks at her and tells her to shut her mouth, so we can assume it’s true. That’s how shit works in Skyline. People say it and then it is true.
The aliens come in all sizes and shapes because the guys who came up with the idea own a top special effects house in Hollywood. Some of the aliens run about like giant apes, while others fly around and the smallest aliens enter buildings to look for humans to gobble with their tentacles. All they need is to shine a blue light into a human’s eyes and it’s game over – unless you own blinds. Window blinds. That’s apparently how you stop them. Just keep your window blinds up and all is well. Who knew?
Thankfully, you want all the characters to die because they are one dimensional and lame. By the end of the movie, you are rooting for the aliens to destroy the world just so the lead actors will die. Although, I may be biased because I saw Eric Balfour in Santa Monica two months ago and he had a tiny, feminine headband in his hair. I prayed aliens would kill him at that very moment.
I can’t give the ending away but let’s just say it is so ridiculous you may never go to a movie again.
—Dave Anthony
