I got the first Twilight. I liked it. I’m not in the desired demographic, but I get it. It’s a sexy teen vampire romance. Who wouldn’t like that? Hot vampire Edward Cullen is a bad boy. He thirsts for his girlfriend’s blood. That’s the ultimate bad boy.
But this movie, the second of the series, is, well, stinky. It is not good. Well, it’s not as good as the first, that’s for sure. This is the second in the series, and they’re often lame. Other than Empire Strikes Back, that was good. But often in a series, there’s the weird in-between episode, that doesn’t really work on its own, but connects the other two. Like the lull episodes of 24.
My apologies for the major spoiler alert, but I don’t even know how to talk about it without talking about it.
There’s this girl in high school, Bella. She’s pretty. She has a vampire boyfriend. They’re all gothy and sexy. She loves him. And he loves her so much, but has to leave for some vague reason. She’s depressed for months. And months. She just sits in her room, but apparently doesn’t flunk out of school for some reason. Then she starts hanging out with her old friend Jacob, who went and got super hot. Like cover of Men’s Health hot (which he’s on, check it). He’s very different than Edward, because he actually gets some Sun. And, also, he turns into a bad CG wolf.
What?! So, she’s dating a vampire. They break up. Then she’s with a werewolf? That’s this chick’s type? Monsters? I mean, I attract the wrong guys, again and again, but they’re almost never actual monsters. What next, a hot affair with Frankenberry?
And overall, it just wasn’t that great a film. It was an okay story told in the slowest way possible. I’ll sum up.
Not as well-told of a story as the first.
Llllllooooonnnnngggg. I suspected I’d been made immortal, because this seemed to last forever.
Bad, not good, dialogue.
Not one fang.
Not enough vampires. Too many wolves.
Good date movie? Yes, if you’re fifteen. And maybe if you have the book to read along with it. You might finish the book first.