Planes Review
Planes is an abomination wrapped inside a bullshit party. That’s
really all I want to write about this endless crap festival of a film
but since this is a review, I’m supposed to keep going. AND I SHALL.
Chimpanzee review
Chimpanzee is a movie made by a Disney. It’s about chimpanzees. Mostly one but I can’t say that is certain because I can’t tell chimpanzees apart because I am not a chimpanzee. Maybe I would have enjoyed this movie more if I were some sort of monkey, or if I were a human who was all about fruit and nut eating. Maybe it would have been enjoyable if I had entered the theater thinking, “Man, I hope I get to see hairy things eating over and over and over and over.” But I didn’t. So, fuck Chimpanzee.
Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call new Orleans
Bad Lieutenant is not a sequel to Bad Lieutenant staring naked Harvey Keitel. The movie is about an entirely different bad lieutenant and the producers thought it would be a good idea to name it after the 1992 film that was also not very good. Even the director, Werner Herzog said they shouldn’t name…
Is Glenn Beck’s Big, Sweaty, Christmas Sweater a Classic?
Glenn Beck’s The Christmas Sweater has taken its rightful place as a Christmas classic with this year’s re-showing of last year’s Glenn Beck’s The Christmas Sweater. The Christmas Sweater is an allegory created by Beck originally in book form, later taken to the stage, which was later put to film and finally, filmed on stage…
Avatar for Best Picture? Seriously?
Now that Avatar has won a Golden Globe for best movie and it has been nominated for an Oscar for best movie, I feel I should explain why it sucks. And, my God, are there a lot of reasons. And don’t even get me started on Avatar being nominated for best screenplay by the…
Hot Tub Time Machine Review
From the first moment, there was a man on screen holding car keys covered in shit, I knew this was the movie for me. Many people are comparing this movie to The Hangover, which is entirely wrong. The Hangover was a piece of crap. It was a series of set ups that led to nothing. If I could have punched one movie in the face last year it would have been The Hangover for what it could have been. Hot Tub Time Machine hits all the gags it needs to, disgusting as they are at times.
Four Lions Review
Four Lions is a British movie you will probably never seen in an American movie theater because we are a fearful, stupid people. And that is sad. It is sad because Four Lions is a brilliant comedy about terrorists that completely disarms terrorism with humor. We can’t have that now, can we America?
Skyline Review
The only question a reasonable adult would ask after seeing Skyline is “How great is Skyline?”
Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale Review
Why in the fuck are you reading this review instead of sitting in the theater watching Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale is beyond me.
Rubber Review
Shit blows up. By “shit” I mean small animals, humans, humans and more humans. Maybe that’s why it was largely panned at Cannes this year.