You know, if you ever wondered what an emo high school teenager might do if he had super powers, then look no further than Chronicle. Gee, I suppose that could be perceived either good or bad depending on how you feel about emo teenagers. Unless you are one, then maybe not so good. But don’t let that make you throw this film to the wolves just yet. Wait, didn’t I just write about wolves?
Liam Neeson has been taking some interesting roles the past few years. Ever since Taken, he’s been sort of the thinking man’s action star. But unlike Nic Cage’s choices to take unlikely film roles, Neeson’s choices have worked out for him. Well, ok, except After.Life. Of course, Neeson’s choices probably aren’t out of desperation to fulfill financial needs. And none of Neeson’s recent roles have breached nearly as far into the absurd.
Fetish, corset, latex and PVC enthusiasts and retailers rejoice! The lovely Ms. Beckinsale is back to showcase your finest designs in another grey-hued action-filled installment of the Underworld franchise.
Welcome to January, everyone! The month you release your film when you know there won’t be any other competition so even if your movie sucks, somebody MIGHT still pay to see it for lack of anything else. Unless you haven’t seen the Oscar contenders, then you’re still out of luck. Ah, January, the month of misfit movies, but with less endearing charm.
There is one thing I dislike more than baseball, and that is watching a baseball movie. However, Moneyball is ultimately watchable because it combines that game with APPLIED MATHEMATICS!! Hooray.
First of all, my friend Stephen Falk tweeted: If Glenn Close doesn’t call her autobiography Extremely Loud and Incredibly Glenn Close, she’s a dum dum.
I can’t think of a better joke than that one, so there you go.
Full Disclosure: I had read a few of Herge’s Tintin books when I was 10 even though some of the books were in French. I have the two Tintin action figures and the rare “Tintin Goes to Soviet Russia” with the additional car from the same book of which only 32 were made that I got a closeout sale at a Tintin store in Stockholm. I also have a needlepoint Cap’n Haddock t-shirt that I got on a beach in Thailand. So supposedly that makes me qualified to sit in judgement of this latest result of our global culture being wrapped into two hours.