Welcome to January, everyone! The month you release your film when you know there won’t be any other competition so even if your movie sucks, somebody MIGHT still pay to see it for lack of anything else. Unless you haven’t seen the Oscar contenders, then you’re still out of luck. Ah, January, the month of misfit movies, but with less endearing charm.
There is one thing I dislike more than baseball, and that is watching a baseball movie. However, Moneyball is ultimately watchable because it combines that game with APPLIED MATHEMATICS!! Hooray.
First of all, my friend Stephen Falk tweeted: If Glenn Close doesn’t call her autobiography Extremely Loud and Incredibly Glenn Close, she’s a dum dum.
I can’t think of a better joke than that one, so there you go.
Full Disclosure: I had read a few of Herge’s Tintin books when I was 10 even though some of the books were in French. I have the two Tintin action figures and the rare “Tintin Goes to Soviet Russia” with the additional car from the same book of which only 32 were made that I got a closeout sale at a Tintin store in Stockholm. I also have a needlepoint Cap’n Haddock t-shirt that I got on a beach in Thailand. So supposedly that makes me qualified to sit in judgement of this latest result of our global culture being wrapped into two hours.
If you’ve ever said, “They don’t make movies like they used to anymore,” then you haven’t seen War Horse yet.
Every time Tom Cruise makes a movie, I roll my eyes like a knee-jerk reaction. What, you thought I was going to say every time he makes a movie a group of Scientologists get to the next OT Level? Well, that likely happens, too. Ok, maybe I’m being a little too hard on the guy. Or maybe not. He’s filthy rich, good looking, and a movie star. What could I possibly do to affect his life? He won’t likely read this review anyway.
You know, it’s funny. The first Sherlock Holmes movie was like the remake of Ocean’s 11; I know I enjoyed it while watching it, but hours later I couldn’t really tell you all that much about it. It’s like the old saying about Chinese food: it’s good and fills you up, but an hour later you’re looking to eat again. But here, with the second installment of this Holmes franchise, I found myself considerably more satisfied with the meal.
The first thing I noticed about the movie Carnage, is that we are definitely getting invited to better and better press screenings.
Hugo is a family film with a mystery wrapped in a loving homage. And I loved every moment of it.
Let’s get one thing straight: Having me review a movie written by James Ellroy is patently ridiculous. Whether or not what I have to say is favorable, the fact that I’ve been placed in position to pass judgment on anything the man does is silly. Ellroy is a legendary crime writer, while my only experience with crime writing is that every time I’m paid for writing, it’s probably a crime. That said, as a duly deputized “CFN” movie reviewer, I would be remiss if I ducked out of an assignment … not to mention the inevitable palm striking if I were to drop the ball here. Onward!