Once again into the offal of January films, and this time, you get what you expect. Written and directed by Tommy Wirkola, the man that gaves us the delightful Dead Snow, Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters is all style and fast food, and not nearly enough depth to make us really give a damn about anything going on in the film.
Ah, the delight of the films released in January. I admit it, I love the smell of bad celluloid early in the year. And Arnold Schwarzenegger’s first full film since leaving politics? Oh, I knew this would be a treat, a craptastic actioner to savor in these cold barren weeks of movie oblivion. What I hadn’t counted on was that The Last Stand wouldn’t be as bad as I expected.
I proved to myself that I’m a forgiving person by watching Billy Bob Thornton’s new flick Baytown Outlaws. I recently read his autobiography, and was able to let bygones be bygones. After all, he did cowrite one of my favorite movies, The Gift. While Billy Bob’s involvement in Outlaws didn’t quite make us even, it didn’t make me regret my forgiving nature either.
I read an article about this film that was interesting, but focused on how they thought it was portraying slavery in an unrealistic way, as if it was doing some kind of disservice to history. I’m thinking, “yeah, probably so, if you could take ANY of Quentin Tarantino films as historical fact!” Seriously, if anyone anywhere thinks there is much historical accuracy to Tarantino’s films, then they really don’t know much about Quentin Tarantino and his films.
No other single event has changed the course of my life more than the attacks on September 11, 2001. Like many Americans, and others throughout the world, I was questioning my purpose in life. I was hosting game shows and telling jokes. What was my contribution to society? It felt like that unless I was a firefighter, cop, or health care professional, my life was a waste. This was an extreme reaction, but then again there was no air traffic for five days. So when I saw the news in the restaurant on May 1, 2011 I sat in disbelief. Maybe it was because I just finished moving for the fourth time in three and a half years. Of course I was tired, but I had a sense of relief. Osama Bin Laden was dead.
Accomplished airline pilot lands plane in a field by pulling a super risky stunt. While drunk.
I am not a gamer. I have played video games. I am fond of Nintendo, and I really enjoyed Sega Genesis, but I am in no way a video game snob. For some reason, the early rumblings I was hearing about Wreck-it Ralph insinuated that the viewer wouldn’t really enjoy it unless they could get all the subtle nuances and references throughout the movie. After seeing it, I strongly disagree with that.
Arguably, the best song ever written about Martin Luther King, Jr. was “In the Name of Love” by U2 …who are from Ireland. And now the greatest rendition of Abraham Lincoln so far is performed by an Englishman. It’s a goddam travesty!
I like a kids’ movie that does what, in my mind, they’re supposed to do: Entertain and encourage. Rise of the Guardians does this very very well. Not as well as The Incredibles, the benchmark of all children’s movies for me, but close enough to make me compare them. I was prejudiced against this film because there was, recently, some crazy owl movie titled something something guardians, and it was another super dark kids movie. Which I will rant about in a moment.
A lot of people seem to have some preconceived ideas about this film. They see a young man on a lifeboat with a tiger and scratch their head about it. Why, I don’t know. That image alone intrigues me. That fact alone is exactly what made me read the best-selling novel upon which this film is based. Dude, A TEENAGER IS TRAPPED ON A LIFEBOAT WITH A BENGAL TIGER. What about that premise seems boring to anyone? Are you all that jaded? Should he be trapped on a lifeboat with a tyrannosaurus rex?