Upon seeing the trailers for The Watch, I was overly optimistic and intrigued. The rapid-fire quips and raunchy humor gave me hope towards a laugh-filled movie experience. After seeing the movie, I ad to dial down that optimism considerably and settle for being moderately entertained.
Any sane person would probably ask me why on Earth I would subject myself to What to Expect When You’re Expecting on a beautiful Saturday morning.
Well, there are two reasons.
Firstly, before noon all movies at the local AMC are half-price. Secondly, ever since Reno 911!, I’ve had this theory about Thomas Lennon. That theory is simply that I would watch Thomas Lennon do just about anything, and he would make it at least 56% better just for being involved. So, it was a personal challenge of sorts for me. A testing of my faith, if you will. Could even Thomas Lennon, my personal comedy hero, save this movie?
Much can be said about Piranha 3 DD in one statement: In the first one, the secret big star in the opening scene was Richard Dreyfuss. In this sequel, the big star in the opening scene is …Gary Busey. Yeah, just not the same, is it?
Even before I became a Mom, I would fantasize about taking my kids to see movies. In this fantasy, we were laughing so hard, our popcorn was flying all over the place, I didn’t have to cover their eyes OR their ears and tickets cost $2.50.
I realize how high I’ve set the bar but this is the water mark for all movies I attend or purchase with my family.
If you’ve ever wondered how to make a big summer film based on a kind of board game you played as a kid, look no further than Battleship, directed by Peter Berg. It’s not necessarily how you make it good, but then, why the Hell would you make this movie anyway?
Dark Shadows is full of wonderful characters imbued with dark, quirky goodness that you feel connected to because of all the care that is taken to ensure the audience relates – oh wait, no,sorry, that’s Edward Scissorhands. Never mind.
So let’s just cut to the chase…The Avengers is totally kick-ass, balls to the wall awesome! Okay, give me a minute to collect myself. Whew! Fine, let’s continue.
Hysteria is a romantic comedy set in 1880s London about the accidental discovery of the first electric vibrator. Based on that premise we’re all pretty much on board, right? Great.
I like Jason Statham, it’s no secret. I’ve championed the Crank movies enough, particularly Crank 2, for their unique style and near comic book bending of reality. Even the Transporter movies have their action genre delights. However, Safe, even with its’ old school action set up and play, doesn’t have the inventiveness or even the chops of director team Neveldine and Taylor to save it.
Chimpanzee is a movie made by a Disney. It’s about chimpanzees. Mostly one but I can’t say that is certain because I can’t tell chimpanzees apart because I am not a chimpanzee. Maybe I would have enjoyed this movie more if I were some sort of monkey, or if I were a human who was all about fruit and nut eating. Maybe it would have been enjoyable if I had entered the theater thinking, “Man, I hope I get to see hairy things eating over and over and over and over.” But I didn’t. So, fuck Chimpanzee.