Salutations, my little droogies! Let’s get ready for another edition of “What the Hell are you talking about?!” Film News this week! Might be some extra stuff this week because next week, yours truly is off the Las Vegas for the 5th Anniversary Star Trek Convention! I’ll be pretty bust doing Trek-type stuff that involves drinking Romulan Ale, bourbon, and scotch, while cavorting with people in various Federation uniforms. Probably be some Klingons, Andorrians and Borg in there, as well. But you know, I’ll be busy so you’ll have to go without for a week.
And we’re off!
In this week’s “Sad face” news, actor Karl Urban had to cancel his appearance at the Star Trek Con in Vegas next week because he’s in the new Thor movie and they got called to shoot early. I was thinking of getting a signed photo from him but I guess there’s some money I can save. The good news is, the new Thor movie has started filming.
In this week’s other bummer story, actor and radio talk show host, Jerry Doyle passed away on Thursday, has family said. He was only 60; cause of death is unknown.
Jerry was best known for being on Babylon 5 for it’s full run from 1993 to 1998.
In this week’s “Disney just can’t seem to leave well enough alone” story, Disney is planning a reboot/sequel of their fun 1991 film, The Rocketeer. The new movie will feature a black female lead character, in what The Hollywood Reporter is calling a “modern-day twist.” It will be set six years after the original, with a female pilot stepping in to save the day and stop a corrupt scientist from getting jetpack technology, in a story set against the backdrop of the Cold War.
The script is being worked on by Max Winkler and Matt Spicer, who penned the film Ceremony together, but no director or casting has been revealed as of yet.
In this week’s “Hey, what’s Jackie Chan doing?” story, Jackie Chan just had a new film open in China. this story also happens to coincide with the “What’s director Renny Harlin doing?” question. Renny Harlin just directed a film, Skiptrace, starring Jackie Chan and Johnny Knoxville. Now you know what Knoxville doing, too. the film opened to a whopping $62.2 million, blowing away any competition.
Skiptrace has Chan starring as a Hong Kong detective that has to team up with an American fugitive gambler (Knoxville) to fight Chinese bad guys. The film will hit the states on September 2nd.
In this week’s OTHER Disney story, Meryl Streep is in talk sot join Emily Blunt in their sequel to Mary Poppins, called Mary Poppins Returns. Wow, catchy.
Streep is said to play the role of Poppins’ cousin, Topsy, a supporting role that wasn’t in the 1964 classic. Streep would also sing for the part, much like she did in “Into the Woods,” which earned her a record 19th Oscar nomination.
The Mary Poppins sequel hits theaters Dec. 25, 2018. Sigh….Disney is weird as Hell.
in this week’s “Captain becomes a Doctor” story, actor Chris Evans is looking to darken his roles, as he is attached to play the lead role of Tom Jackman in Jekyll, the Lionsgate feature that is based on the 2007 BBC One mini-series of the same name. The series was a sort of sequel that used used Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde as a jumping off point.
Ellen DeGeneres and Jeff Kleeman are producing through their A Very Good Production banner, and scribe team Anthony Bagarozzi & Charles Mondry have written a script based on the Steven Moffat-scripted six-episode miniseries. Bagarozzi & Mondry teamed on the Shane Black-directed The Nice Guys and Doc Savage, as well as the remake of Death Note. No director yet.
If you haven’t had the chance to see that mini-series, though, you should check it out.
In this week’s “Most promising script” story, Narc and The Grey director has been tapped to write the latest draft of the Uncharted video game film adaptation over at Sony. Carnahan is unable to direct unless the project is pushed back. Carnahan is already committed to directing Bad Boys 3. Frankly, I’d jump that ship and jut go to Uncharted, but hey, that’s me. Who knows, maybe Carnahan will make Bad Boys 3 worth while.
In this week’s “Wimpy wimpy wimpy!” story, Fox is working on a fourth installment of Diary of a Wimpy Kid movie. David Bowers, who directed Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Roderick Rules and Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days, will direct this entry based on Jeff Kinney’s book, Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul. The kid actor Zachary Gordon has aged out of the role, so they’ll be someone new. I haven’t seen any of these movies, so, yeah, that’s it.
in this week’s “Not in to the whole brevity thing” story, actor Jeff Bridges says he’d be into doing another Big Lebowski film, or more accurately, a Little Lebowski film. Though the Coen brothers have said they aren’t into the idea of doing a sequel of any sort, Bridges thinks this would be a logical follow-up, seeing as in The Big Lebowski, his character, The Dude, impregnated Maude (Julianne Moore), so a sequel involving a little Lebowski would be an obvious route to go.
I think we have too many sequels as it is, and regardless of how obvious or natural that follow up seems, I’m walking away. Sorry, El Duderino. I do not abide.
In this week’s “Don’t fuck with John Carpenter” story, a Paris appeals court has ruled that Juc Besson must pay more than $500,000 in damages to John Carpenter and rights holder StudioCanal for plagiarizing Carpenter’s 1981 classic Escape From New York when he made the 2012 film Lockout.
This comes after Besson had appealed an original ruling in the case last fall that ordered Besson, his EuropaCorp production company and Besson’s Lockout co-writers/directors Stephen St. Leger and James Mather to pay $95,000 (85,000 euros) to co-writer/director Carpenter, co-writer Nick Castle and StudioCanal.
If you aren’t sure how close the two films are related, here’s the premise of Lockout: Guy Pierce plays a wrongly convicted man who is offered his freedom if he can rescue the U.S. President’s daughter (Maggie Grace) from an outer space prison taken over by violent inmates. In Escape From New York, Kurt Russell is a soldier-turned-bank-robber who is forced to rescue the U.S. President when his plane crash-lands in Manhattan , which has become a giant maximum-security prison taken over by inmates. Ok, folks, do the math. And don’t steal from John Carpenter. It just isn’t cool. Or cheap.
In this week’s “Speedy cameo” story, Warner Bros. made public the news that The Flash will make a cameo in the Suicide Squad film. That’s all I’m going to say because I don’t want too much about this movie to get out. I want to be surprised.
In this week’s “Definitive word” story, legendary director George Romero has offered the definitive last word on the persistent debate on whether zombies can run. Romero talks zombies in an 8 minute video on IndieWire.
“Zombies cannot run,” he declares in the opening moments of the eight-minute featurette. “I say this definitively, as the grandfather — or the godfather — of zombies.” This isn’t a case of him deciding it should be that way because he says so, mind: “Their ankles would snap,” Romero explains simply.
He also uses the term “zombie” reluctantly, as he originally preferred the term “ghouls” and conceived of the creatures differently than most who’ve seen and responded to his work.
Yeah, none of this sprinting for my zombies. If your “zombie” can run fast, then it’s just not a zombie, it’s something else. And if you can’t take the word of George Romero, then take your bullshit somewhere else.
In this week’s “Wait, Eddie Murphy is doing what, now?” story, on September 16, Cinelou Films is releasing Mr. Church, Eddie Murphy’s first film in four years. In this drama, he plays a cook hired to help care for the dying mother (Natascha McElhone) of little girl played by Britt Robertson. The story focuses on the lifelong friendship that develops with the little girl. I’m ready to see Murphy exercise his acting chops on something like this.
In this week’s “Are we STILL talking about this?” story, Michael Keaton is a busy guy again, with upcoming films The Founder, then American Assassin, based on the book by Vince Flynn. But people still keep asking about the rumors of a sequel to Beetlejuice.
Asked if he knows anything about it, Keaton says, “No. Zero. You always hear things, that this is happening, and people seem to know more about it than I do.”
While he loves the character, he says, “it’s possible that ship has sailed.”
“The only way to do it is to do it right,” he says. “So much of it was improvised and so much was beautifully handmade by the artist that is Tim Burton. If you can’t get close to that, you leave it alone.”
There. Even Michael Keaton thinks it’s unlikely. So let’s just accept the fact that Tim Burton has lost (most of) his touch, and move on. However, let’s congratulate Keaton on getting his star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. High five, man!
In this week’s “Irreplaceable” story, J.J. Abrams has said that they will not recast Anton Yelchin as the new Chekov in the Star Trek films.
Postmedia Network broached the subject in an interview with Abrams, and got a frank response. “I would say there’s no replacing him,” he said. “There’s no recasting. I can’t possibly imagine that, and I think Anton deserves better.” Abrams admitted they’ve considered the possibility of killing off the character. “I have thought about it, we’re working on it, and it’s too early to talk about it,” he said.
This seems weird to me, yet totally appropriate. It’s still such a bummer that we lost Yelchin.
In this week’s “One Avengers, Two Avengers, no, just one, Infinity War” story, The Russo brothers have decided that Infinity Wars will not be two films now. It’s going to be The Avengers: Infinity Wars, and a now “Untitled Avengers project“.
In an interview on Uproxx in May, the brothers signaled their intention to change the titles. “The movies are two very different movies,” Joe Russo said, with Anthony adding, “it is misleading.”
“The intention is we will change it, we just haven’t come up with the titles yet. But, yes, we will change it,” Joe concluded.
The release dates are now May 4, 2018 for the Infinity Wars film, and May 3, 2019 for the Avengers Untitled film.
In this week’s “I’d try to disappear, too” story, British actress from Foyles War, (the BBC show) Honeysuckle Weeks, has been found safe after being missing since Thursday night after exhibiting concerning behavior. Well, that’s good and all, but she was only missing from about 9 pm Thursday night (yesterday). That’s not even 24 hours. Are we sure she wan’t just out trying to get her name changed? HONEYSUCKLE WEEKS? REALLY?
And, in this week’s “So batshit crazy, we don’t care” story, a video has turned up allegedly showing Lindsay Lohan, 30, shouting that her 22 year old fiance’, Egor Taravasov, “Almost killed” her.
Lohan claimed via social media on Saturday that Taravasov had cheated on her. She posted a series of cryptic tweets, and also claimed that she was pregnant. Yesterday, footage purportedly of Lohan, 30, and Taravasov, 22, has surfaced, and it shows a woman believed to be Lohan arguing with a man believed to be Taravasov, screaming that he tried to kill her.
The Sun posted the video Monday morning, saying that Lohan’s Knightsbridge neighbors woke up to her shouting, “He just strangled me! He almost killed me!” Police showed up to the apartment and after reportedly breaking into it, found it empty. (The Sun posted pictures of the damage done to Lohan’s front door.)
I’m still reeling from the knowledge that Lohan is now 30 years old. Gotta wonder what this 22 year old Egor was thinking. Probably thought it would be awesome to date Lindsay Lohan without really thinking it through. Lohan’s brain could be a mess, making her kinda bonkers, which would be reason enough to try to strangle her. Get out while you can, Egor!
~Neil T Weakley, your average movie-goer, hope you enjoy this week’s edition, because it’s likely there won’t be one next week, as I will be in Vegas partying with the Trekkers. Cheers and LLAP!