Okay, so here’s the deal–I’m a fan of Fifty Shades of Grey. I get the haters, and there’s a lot to target. I’m educated. I have an English degree. I know good writing and I love great literature. I understand that the books are terribly written. I mean I could barely get through all three of them. BUT! There are still at least 10 reasons to see the movie.
- Jamie Dornan plays Christian Grey. Put The Fall in your Netflix queue immediately. Gillian Anderson plays an English detective who’s tracking Jamie Dornan’s Irish killer. I bonded with a friend (pardon the pun!) over how great this series is, and it’s an intriguing serial killer. She agreed and said, “That guy’s the Fifty Shades guy.” I was in. You had me at “that guy.”
- It’s deep. Arguably, Jamie looks better in The Fall than in Fifty Shades. He’s cuter with a beard than he is all clean cut. But it works for the story, because it’s not about having crazy sex with a guy because he’s so good looking. It’s about having crazy sex with a weirdo stranger billionaire who’s into you and has a helicopter. Duh!
- It’s a love story. I mean this IS his version of love. It started as Twilight fan fiction. And what was at the heart of Twilight? The Robert Pattinson vampire was drawn to the always-sad faced girl, for reasons inexplicable to us. She simply had a calming effect on him. He didn’t know why, I don’t know why, no one knows why. That’s what love is.
- It’s a great argument to continue writing your fan fiction. Unless you hate money.
- Danny Elfman does the music.
- Bad acting? Hardly. Marcia Gay Harden is in it.
- It’s sexy. If you don’t squirm at the ice cube part, you’re dead inside (your pants).
- It’s sweet. My friend said she’ll never see it because, “I don’t like any kind of violence linked with sex.” But bondage is not violence. It’s restraint. Someone just hasn’t had a good spanking.
- It’s a Valentine’s Day movie. How many of those can you recall? Oh, the Garry Marshall movie straight-up called Valentine’s Day? Are you going to tell me THAT was better? I will cut you.
- It’s better than The Boy Next Door. It’s better than Sex in the City 2. We don’t get a lot of sexy movies. LET US HAVE THIS!!!
Is it a good date movie? Yes, if you have working genitalia that you’re looking to use. If you’re in that category, I’ll definitely recommend it. You may get turned on by it, or bond over how bad you think it is, or get bored and need something to do in the theater.
Any way you slice it, make out odds are HIGH. Just don’t tell me that you don’t find the ice scene a little sexy because then I’ll know you’re lying. And you won’t be able to sit down for a week. Enjoy!