Fifty Shades of Grey Review

Okay, so here’s the deal–I’m a fan of Fifty Shades of Grey. I get the haters, and there’s a lot to target. I’m educated. I have an English degree. I know good writing and I love great literature. I understand that the books are terribly written. I mean I could barely get through all three of them. BUT! There are still at least 10 reasons to see the movie.

Jamie Dornan plays Christian Grey. Put The Fall in your Netflix queue immediately. Gillian Anderson plays an English detective who’s tracking Jamie Dornan’s Irish killer. I bonded with a friend (pardon the pun!) over how great this series is, and it’s an intriguing serial killer. She agreed and said, “That guy’s the Fifty Shades guy.” I was in. You had me at “that guy.”

It’s deep. Arguably, Jamie looks better in The Fall than in Fifty Shades. He’s cuter with a beard than he is all clean cut. But it works for the story, because it’s not about having crazy sex with a guy because he’s so good looking. It’s about having crazy sex with a weirdo stranger billionaire who’s into you and has a helicopter. Duh!

It’s a love story. I mean this IS his version of love. It started as Twilight fan fiction. And what was at the heart of Twilight? The Robert Pattinson vampire was drawn to the always-sad faced girl, for reasons inexplicable to us. She simply had a calming effect on him. He didn’t know why, I don’t know why, no one knows why. That’s what love is.

It’s a great argument to continue writing your fan fiction. Unless you hate money.

Danny Elfman does the music.

Bad acting? Hardly. Marcia Gay Harden is in it.

It’s sexy. If you don’t squirm at the ice cube part, you’re dead inside (your pants).

It’s sweet. My friend said she’ll never see it because, “I don’t like any kind of violence linked with sex.” But bondage is not violence. It’s restraint. Someone just hasn’t had a good spanking.

It’s a Valentine’s Day movie. How many of those can you recall? Oh, the Garry Marshall movie straight-up called Valentine’s Day? Are you going to tell me THAT was better? I will cut you.

It’s better than The Boy Next Door. It’s better than Sex in the City 2. We don’t get a lot of sexy movies. LET US HAVE THIS!!!

Is it a good date movie? Yes, if you have working genitalia that you’re looking to use. If you’re in that category, I’ll definitely recommend it. You may get turned on by it, or bond over how bad you think it is, or get bored and need something to do in the theater.

Any way you slice it, make out odds are HIGH. Just don’t tell me that you don’t find the ice scene a little sexy because then I’ll know you’re lying. And you won’t be able to sit down for a week. Enjoy!

Laura House

Jerome C. Sullivan

I can’t agree more. If you’ve read the book (or plowed through it like I did), then check out the movie. It’s like Jaws, hated the book (even more), loved the movie. But to be honest, after listening to your Vday podcast, I put off watching it for months. I figured, why pour more salt into this large literary wound (my head was going to explode if Anna said “down there” one more time, well, due to good script writing and directing, I’m still here). So, last night my wife and I watched it, and knowing the beats, I braced for the worst, which surprisingly never came. I was happy to see how the writer and director managed to shape it into a 9-1/2 Weeks type movie. The sex scenes were very erotic, but not over the top, and well paced throughout, unlike the book. While there were some silly, even childish lines here and there (e.g. what’s a butt plug? which Anna could have easily googled) for the most part the movie polished the rough edges of the book, and followed its overall beats. The ending was just exactly how the book ended, which leads us to the next movie (book), and the next (I haven’t made it that far yet). What I loved best was not only the artistry of their sexual encounters, but also how the director portrayed Anna, and her hold over Christian. Maybe that was in the book too, but given how frustrated I was with her character in the book, I must have missed it. I like her character way better in the movie. Immature yes, as in the book, but more controlled, and demanding. My only complaint, which is minor, was that her roommate Kate’s character was reduced somewhat. In the book, she was very strong, an concerned for Anna. She was someone I wanted to get to know more in the book. But the movie’s focus was on Anna and Christian, which it did. So, in conclusion, if you’ve read the book, I think you will like the movie. If not, it’s a complete toss up.

p.s. Laura, I really liked “The Fall” too, even though it took numerous liberties at time (doesn’t anyone lock their doors/windows in Ireland?). And I hated the movie Valentines Day.

Fifty Shades of Grey Review

Author: Laura House

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